Last day of 2014, and it’s time to look back to analyze the 365 days that just gone in a flash; the memory of year starting is so fresh inside, it’s like yesterday; literally so frustrating the starting was: the ending too is no more better. 2014 bought a new perspective, a different dimension in my thinking, in my way of life.
Didn’t do much travelling, unlike last year; however managed to slip myself on Medaram: Sammakka Saralamma Jatara and then Trip report – Hyderabad – Ooty trip, celebrated my birthday on Bus Trip: Shimla – Reckong Peo, a short trip to north-east was the last trip.
Coming to the run; finished Guwahati Half on 31st Aug 2014 and CRPF Half Marathon 2014 in high pain and desperation, apart from that no major cycling trip or anything like that.
And in that depressed phase said Bye bye Facebook after humiliating 4-5 months of chat with a bastard, whom I still curse, you will not have a good life; that’s only thing I ask from the fucking God!
One fine day my Laptop gone. One bloody broke into the house, twice, and took away everything of mine, leaving this motionless body that I am still carrying around to make fool of myself.
What expectation I have for New Year, you ask? Well; for be frank, I have no fucking idea. Let the year to come – will face you face to face dear year 2015, aa to sahii..
Wednesday, 31 December 2014
Wednesday, 10 December 2014
Dilli ki Sardi.
Finally; winter has spread its arms around Delhi, I can feel it early in the mornings’ when I try to foolishly convince myself to get up from the warmth of blanket; making false promises to myself that 5 min more, 1 more minute and things like that, but unable to.
And what else; nothing worth is happening, days are passing just like that and with age I am becoming more fearful, nervous about everything. Hope has vanished just like fart in the air, as they say. No curiosity, no energy left; what’s gonna happen next, I have no clue. The big ‘suicide ride plan’ is dusting somewhere in the corner; no matter how eagerly I am looking forward to it, it’s not making any sense, infact my own act, my own self is not making any sense. I just look at the skin and structure of my own hands and wonder what this is! The trembling hasn’t stopped, has increased instead. Fuck!
Yesterday we lost the cricket match. And tomorrow’s appointment at Shroff eye center for LASIK gonna make a big hole in my pocket. The finance for the dusting plan is in trouble. Two exams are coming up too, if I didn’t clear any of those life’s gonna go hell and will have to revive the dusting plan, if not.
And, I was a coward and still am, to letting you go. I can’t stop thinking about you, not even for a second.
And what else; nothing worth is happening, days are passing just like that and with age I am becoming more fearful, nervous about everything. Hope has vanished just like fart in the air, as they say. No curiosity, no energy left; what’s gonna happen next, I have no clue. The big ‘suicide ride plan’ is dusting somewhere in the corner; no matter how eagerly I am looking forward to it, it’s not making any sense, infact my own act, my own self is not making any sense. I just look at the skin and structure of my own hands and wonder what this is! The trembling hasn’t stopped, has increased instead. Fuck!
Yesterday we lost the cricket match. And tomorrow’s appointment at Shroff eye center for LASIK gonna make a big hole in my pocket. The finance for the dusting plan is in trouble. Two exams are coming up too, if I didn’t clear any of those life’s gonna go hell and will have to revive the dusting plan, if not.
And, I was a coward and still am, to letting you go. I can’t stop thinking about you, not even for a second.
Monday, 17 November 2014
Current read
Just landed two books – Invisible Cities by Italo Calvino and lean In by Sheryl Sandberg.
I am going to start with Invisible Cities first and the other one is to gift but before I do that I wanted to have a look at the book, just flipping around some pages would suffice I guess.
If you ask, what was tempting to buy these books, well, I watched the famous TED talk of this lady and wanted to have that on print. And for the Invisible, again, I read somewhere the last lines of the book and thought to go for the journey as well.
I am going to start with Invisible Cities first and the other one is to gift but before I do that I wanted to have a look at the book, just flipping around some pages would suffice I guess.
If you ask, what was tempting to buy these books, well, I watched the famous TED talk of this lady and wanted to have that on print. And for the Invisible, again, I read somewhere the last lines of the book and thought to go for the journey as well.
Wednesday, 12 November 2014
Time Metro & Thoughts
Today, I was coming to office on Metro and looking outside of the window pane, weirdness’ came inside, let’s call it Time Metro. I related this with our lives, every station is like a phase of life or say, an opportunity to do, I don’t know, let’s say to do something, act on something so that we can proceed to a new destination. If we miss a station or opportunity, either wait for next station which is some time apart or curse yourself for not acting on the presented opportunity. The train is running like time is and outside scenery keeps changing, greeneries are good times, barren land are thinking phases, ultimate goal is to reach the destination called death.
So, on that travel path that we followed, what matters? This world is just a metro compartment. Whatever is outside that will keep changing and altering that is not in our hands, which I tried to foolishly, now that’s the only thing left I can do, look outside and do nothing.
Last Sunday was fun though, primarily coz I slept most of the time which gave me less time to think (yes, I want to avoid thinking as much as I can) and other half of the day was spent roaming around India Gate. First I went to Indira Gandhi National Center for Arts @ Janpath to witness the joys of North East. The North East Carnival Festival was on, Sunday being the second last day, the food songs paintings’ music so many bands from that part of our country, it actually was great to just sit there and watch all that. Someday, will pay a visit to that part, I promised myself.
Then small an hour walk crossing India Gate, I found myself at Purana Qila. The South Asian Bands festival was going to end today. So many bands from south Asian countries were there to perform conducted by Seher & External Affairs Ministry (annually). It started at 0600PM, Morcha, Afgani Band was first, and then next was from Maldives. Donn Bhat & group was next, the music was kind of fresh, refreshing applaud from crowed was enough to prove that. Nepali band Mukti & Revival was a bomb, the crowed really went crazy on his tunes. He was the man of night I guess.
And last band was The Success from France, I heard some tracks making my way back to the matro station Pragati Maidan.
So, on that travel path that we followed, what matters? This world is just a metro compartment. Whatever is outside that will keep changing and altering that is not in our hands, which I tried to foolishly, now that’s the only thing left I can do, look outside and do nothing.
Last Sunday was fun though, primarily coz I slept most of the time which gave me less time to think (yes, I want to avoid thinking as much as I can) and other half of the day was spent roaming around India Gate. First I went to Indira Gandhi National Center for Arts @ Janpath to witness the joys of North East. The North East Carnival Festival was on, Sunday being the second last day, the food songs paintings’ music so many bands from that part of our country, it actually was great to just sit there and watch all that. Someday, will pay a visit to that part, I promised myself.
Then small an hour walk crossing India Gate, I found myself at Purana Qila. The South Asian Bands festival was going to end today. So many bands from south Asian countries were there to perform conducted by Seher & External Affairs Ministry (annually). It started at 0600PM, Morcha, Afgani Band was first, and then next was from Maldives. Donn Bhat & group was next, the music was kind of fresh, refreshing applaud from crowed was enough to prove that. Nepali band Mukti & Revival was a bomb, the crowed really went crazy on his tunes. He was the man of night I guess.
And last band was The Success from France, I heard some tracks making my way back to the matro station Pragati Maidan.
Monday, 3 November 2014
Laptop gone.
Some bloody thief broke into my house last Saturday and stole my Dell Laptop with 1GB Seagate external hard disk. And with this I lost everything all over again, thousands of memories that I captured, so many documents I had written, compiled from different sources, all gone.
Police refused to file report; they wanted it to be written as misplaced to avoid trouble for them. But then there are ways to do that and finally I did file to avoid any misuse. I don’t expect these bloody cops to take any action on that but you – the thief- whoever you are, you did wrong. Laptop is nothing to me man, you would have asked for it I never say no buddy but I need all my data back. You broke into a miserable person to make more n more miserable and desperate.
Accepted all the grieving and I deserve it.
Police refused to file report; they wanted it to be written as misplaced to avoid trouble for them. But then there are ways to do that and finally I did file to avoid any misuse. I don’t expect these bloody cops to take any action on that but you – the thief- whoever you are, you did wrong. Laptop is nothing to me man, you would have asked for it I never say no buddy but I need all my data back. You broke into a miserable person to make more n more miserable and desperate.
Accepted all the grieving and I deserve it.
Friday, 24 October 2014
Post Diwali Thoughts.
Though I didn’t see remains of crackers outside the big black gate, I’m hoping you had a good Diwali yesterday. And yea, I expected some messages from you but there was nothing. Anyways I’m not blaming you for that; this is what I chose, no matter how much I curse myself for that, I cannot change the things the way they are now. I don’t even know if you got my gift. So helpless, all I can do is pray for you and curse the fake boyfriend soul. And I know none of these will have any impact on either life, that’s for me that one day I will have my dues.
After yesterdays Diwali post, I went through some interesting blogs some citing how Diwali celebration has changed, some saying if we should celebrate it at all and mostly were wish blogs.
One blog got my attention; the way we celebrate it today. I still remember my childhood days when we used to clean and paint our houses with clay called Kamet, and then grind some rice to make rangoli. Before making rangoli we used to mark tilak to our cows, buffalos and all pets; there was a procedure for that, first do pooja, take a steel glass, and dip the rim of that glass on wet grinded rice put that on forehead of all the pets. The circle was a mark of purity. Rangoli art called ‘Aipan’, a traditional way of designing every doorstep, nobody knows that today. It used to be like that, gifting and exchanging sweets n all, cleaning decorating organizing a small market called Mela.
There was another entry saying there is nothing called Diwali. All are myths and creation of Brahmin mind; to keep their superiority in caste system. All that Ramayan, Mahabharat, Ved, Puran are just made up stories to keep the superiority intact. Pushyamitra Sung, the king of Sung Empire was used as a weapon and Buddhism was dusted by cruel activities.
So there are so many stories, myths but as I said in my previous post- we need a reason to do something. Whatever the tradition is behind these celebrations does anyone cares? I don’t think so. Instead of traditional Dia n flowers, we buy Chinese electric garland, market has flooded with Chinese crackers. China has given us so much in recent years like no one has. They have cheap alternative of everything and we love to buy it.
Bottom line is: change is irresistible and is bound to happen. What we need is a pure heart, care for humankind respect for each other.
I think I should stop biking to office. The more I cycle, more I think about everything. Well, I should go back to work now, plenty of SLA to achieve, so many activities to cover. Till then – keep fucking everyone’s life and you fake boyfriend bastard, I know you must be having great fucking sessions but remember your life will be hell.
After yesterdays Diwali post, I went through some interesting blogs some citing how Diwali celebration has changed, some saying if we should celebrate it at all and mostly were wish blogs.
One blog got my attention; the way we celebrate it today. I still remember my childhood days when we used to clean and paint our houses with clay called Kamet, and then grind some rice to make rangoli. Before making rangoli we used to mark tilak to our cows, buffalos and all pets; there was a procedure for that, first do pooja, take a steel glass, and dip the rim of that glass on wet grinded rice put that on forehead of all the pets. The circle was a mark of purity. Rangoli art called ‘Aipan’, a traditional way of designing every doorstep, nobody knows that today. It used to be like that, gifting and exchanging sweets n all, cleaning decorating organizing a small market called Mela.
There was another entry saying there is nothing called Diwali. All are myths and creation of Brahmin mind; to keep their superiority in caste system. All that Ramayan, Mahabharat, Ved, Puran are just made up stories to keep the superiority intact. Pushyamitra Sung, the king of Sung Empire was used as a weapon and Buddhism was dusted by cruel activities.
So there are so many stories, myths but as I said in my previous post- we need a reason to do something. Whatever the tradition is behind these celebrations does anyone cares? I don’t think so. Instead of traditional Dia n flowers, we buy Chinese electric garland, market has flooded with Chinese crackers. China has given us so much in recent years like no one has. They have cheap alternative of everything and we love to buy it.
Bottom line is: change is irresistible and is bound to happen. What we need is a pure heart, care for humankind respect for each other.
I think I should stop biking to office. The more I cycle, more I think about everything. Well, I should go back to work now, plenty of SLA to achieve, so many activities to cover. Till then – keep fucking everyone’s life and you fake boyfriend bastard, I know you must be having great fucking sessions but remember your life will be hell.
Thursday, 23 October 2014
Diwali it is..
Happy Diwali everyone.
On this day of lightning, fire crackers, celebrations, gifting sweets cloths and putting on best attire of our wardrobes, this day definitely brings something to every one’s life. No matter what the cause is; may be for someone Lord Ram came home after a long exile fighting the evil, bringing peace to the masses or may be for someone Pandavas came home after 12 years of exile or may be some Goddess appeared from the ocean during the Sagar Manthan who on this day went on merrying some Lord Shiva etc etc.. As many myths/believes/reasons to celebrate the day for so many religious communities we have around us. But one thing is common; atleast for a day everybody cleans the surroundings’ lights up every corner of living place distribute sweets amongst the loved ones and more importantly a feeling of love inside every heart pops up on this day.
So, whatever your believes are celebrate this day, open up your arms for a hug and say I love you! May be gift something to your loved ones. Remember; we need reasons to do something and this day gives us the opportunity.
-With Love
On this day of lightning, fire crackers, celebrations, gifting sweets cloths and putting on best attire of our wardrobes, this day definitely brings something to every one’s life. No matter what the cause is; may be for someone Lord Ram came home after a long exile fighting the evil, bringing peace to the masses or may be for someone Pandavas came home after 12 years of exile or may be some Goddess appeared from the ocean during the Sagar Manthan who on this day went on merrying some Lord Shiva etc etc.. As many myths/believes/reasons to celebrate the day for so many religious communities we have around us. But one thing is common; atleast for a day everybody cleans the surroundings’ lights up every corner of living place distribute sweets amongst the loved ones and more importantly a feeling of love inside every heart pops up on this day.
So, whatever your believes are celebrate this day, open up your arms for a hug and say I love you! May be gift something to your loved ones. Remember; we need reasons to do something and this day gives us the opportunity.
-With Love
Wednesday, 22 October 2014
In Love with Meg Ryan!
‘…but there is dream of someone’ the dialogue and her eyes! Each time I see the movie, I fall in love with this lady. Yes, I have watched the movie ‘You’ve Got Mail’ over 3 digits time by now and haven’t got bored yet. The plot, the chemistry and this lovely lady, there are so many scenes worth a tone; well I would say the entire movie is eye catching.
I haven’t seen much of her work apart of this movie and last night made me think of putting it on words, the chemistry is superb. The movie made me think again that being good always give you good returns.
The previous post of trust failure was come long back from this post here. What started there didn’t even last 6 months. I cannot blame the fake boyfriend soul entirely, no matter how much I curse, pray bad things, (and I am sure you will not have a peaceful life, the way you made me miserable and lost) fault is somewhere mine too. I was not cautious but then how could I? I was in agony; the bloody hit the right spot and bubble inside me busted like anything.
But no more; the isolation continues, I am hungry all the time, angry all the time, they say weeping heart is a curse but I have no control over it. It will heal with your misery. I am well aware of your conversations and you must be planning to stick his dick in your ass, as you dreamed before, you know.
Anyways coming back, the movie made me order a pair of headsets for myself; and a special gift basket with red roses for my love (lost one?) with XOXO gift voucher my company gifted me a long back. Hope you like it, it’s a surprise, no name, coming your way at your doorstep!!
I haven’t seen much of her work apart of this movie and last night made me think of putting it on words, the chemistry is superb. The movie made me think again that being good always give you good returns.
The previous post of trust failure was come long back from this post here. What started there didn’t even last 6 months. I cannot blame the fake boyfriend soul entirely, no matter how much I curse, pray bad things, (and I am sure you will not have a peaceful life, the way you made me miserable and lost) fault is somewhere mine too. I was not cautious but then how could I? I was in agony; the bloody hit the right spot and bubble inside me busted like anything.
But no more; the isolation continues, I am hungry all the time, angry all the time, they say weeping heart is a curse but I have no control over it. It will heal with your misery. I am well aware of your conversations and you must be planning to stick his dick in your ass, as you dreamed before, you know.
Anyways coming back, the movie made me order a pair of headsets for myself; and a special gift basket with red roses for my love (lost one?) with XOXO gift voucher my company gifted me a long back. Hope you like it, it’s a surprise, no name, coming your way at your doorstep!!
Monday, 20 October 2014
Should not Trust any Unknown
Never trust an unknown fellow’ this is what I used to heard from elders but I always thought otherwise. If you trust somebody, you are actually giving that fellow a responsibility. In a desperate times when you share you innate desire to someone unknown and what if that someone don’t respect you and what if you in a desperate times share things; who is the culprit? You yourself and the fellow you are sharing things to?
I share things when my gut feeling says it’s worth trusting. And none of the time I was right. I was so desperately fucked up that I shared priceless private moments. The guilt of it is now so heavy on me that first time in life I googled ‘how to kill myself without pain’ and I have been thinking about it all the time. Don’t know what desperate moment will come so heavily in my head that there will be no thinking I am going to let it go.
There is no medium left to convey this to either party but I am aware of it, it’s time to pay for it, killing myself will be injustice to all the wrongs I have done. I deserve slow and painful death.
Thanks to the fellow for blindly pouring my heart out by trusting you and thanks for giving me strength to continue what I’m doing to myself. Not only me, my roots will also pay for it. It’s been a month of total isolation and will go on. Thanks for the encouragement, my wish is with you just like your fake boyfriend met his fate, I am sure you been the cause, you will not have a clean death too.
I share things when my gut feeling says it’s worth trusting. And none of the time I was right. I was so desperately fucked up that I shared priceless private moments. The guilt of it is now so heavy on me that first time in life I googled ‘how to kill myself without pain’ and I have been thinking about it all the time. Don’t know what desperate moment will come so heavily in my head that there will be no thinking I am going to let it go.
There is no medium left to convey this to either party but I am aware of it, it’s time to pay for it, killing myself will be injustice to all the wrongs I have done. I deserve slow and painful death.
Thanks to the fellow for blindly pouring my heart out by trusting you and thanks for giving me strength to continue what I’m doing to myself. Not only me, my roots will also pay for it. It’s been a month of total isolation and will go on. Thanks for the encouragement, my wish is with you just like your fake boyfriend met his fate, I am sure you been the cause, you will not have a clean death too.
Friday, 17 October 2014
Many Happy Returns!
It’s your day and it’s your birthday!!! Couldn’t wish you personally or over the call, however I believe you have my text and more importantly my heart sings birthday song for you.
You were the first human soul coming so close to me, even after 8 years of first meeting; the memory is so fresh that I see you holding the cup of tea and making face and at the same time worried about your existence at that place.
Although we are not in talking terms, in fact haven’t converse for last a year and an half. But I know the strength inside you, no matter what; you will make your way. Once again accept my apologies and heartily wishes on this day; May Almighty fill your life you joy pride and happiness. Happy Birthday my friend!! Stay Blessed.
You were the first human soul coming so close to me, even after 8 years of first meeting; the memory is so fresh that I see you holding the cup of tea and making face and at the same time worried about your existence at that place.
Although we are not in talking terms, in fact haven’t converse for last a year and an half. But I know the strength inside you, no matter what; you will make your way. Once again accept my apologies and heartily wishes on this day; May Almighty fill your life you joy pride and happiness. Happy Birthday my friend!! Stay Blessed.
Wednesday, 8 October 2014
CRPF Half Marathon 2014
Sunday, 12th Oct is the race day, starting JLN stadium - circling india gate - return from jantar mantar.
Just collected the goodie bag kit and bib number is going to be 116.
Well! with no preparation at all this time its going to be another painful day.
It was a mess at the kit distribution. It was supposed to open at 0930 but due to some technical issues 'as per the announcement there' distribution started around 1130 for half marathon category. CRPF was blaming BookMyShow agents and vice versa for the problem.
Those who are looking for directions - get down at JLN stadium gate no 4 > go straight > take left at the gate to CRPF ground and you will see some tents with serial numbers. First you have to get into a queue for your bib number, note down that bib number & serial number. That serial number is the tent you have to get lined for the goodie bag (running bib & chip, t-shirt (XL) and a cap).
Happy Running!!!
EDIT:- Completed the race. timing 024500 hrs.
Just collected the goodie bag kit and bib number is going to be 116.
Well! with no preparation at all this time its going to be another painful day.
It was a mess at the kit distribution. It was supposed to open at 0930 but due to some technical issues 'as per the announcement there' distribution started around 1130 for half marathon category. CRPF was blaming BookMyShow agents and vice versa for the problem.
Those who are looking for directions - get down at JLN stadium gate no 4 > go straight > take left at the gate to CRPF ground and you will see some tents with serial numbers. First you have to get into a queue for your bib number, note down that bib number & serial number. That serial number is the tent you have to get lined for the goodie bag (running bib & chip, t-shirt (XL) and a cap).
Happy Running!!!
EDIT:- Completed the race. timing 024500 hrs.
Thursday, 11 September 2014
Bye bye Facebook
It’s raining outside, heavily and am thinking how to go outside to have my lunch. And I see a crowd has gathered near the entrance porch area, enjoying cool breeze from fresh rain, smoking cigarettes. It’s like that’s the way to do it, not like I do fucking go crazy soaking completely in rain.
Anyways, so I had to do it and I did it finally. No Facebook from now! I pasted couple of things here that I posted on my timeline before deleting.
What else? Yes, I have finished the book “Gone Girl” kept me glued and suspense ended with the book, pretty nice plot and narration. Now I have again picked up (it was half finished) the “City of Djjins” about the past of Delhi. Will-Yums (William) exploitation of dark corners of old Delhi ruins.
And the first draft of route is ready. Work is in progress on day to day stuff like elevation gains, expenses etc. Hope I can keep up on things this time.
Anyways, so I had to do it and I did it finally. No Facebook from now! I pasted couple of things here that I posted on my timeline before deleting.
What else? Yes, I have finished the book “Gone Girl” kept me glued and suspense ended with the book, pretty nice plot and narration. Now I have again picked up (it was half finished) the “City of Djjins” about the past of Delhi. Will-Yums (William) exploitation of dark corners of old Delhi ruins.
And the first draft of route is ready. Work is in progress on day to day stuff like elevation gains, expenses etc. Hope I can keep up on things this time.
Monday, 8 September 2014
Big Eyes of Yours!!
When I close mine I see your big eyes
I shut myself where the darkness lies
I see you brighter closure than ever
Melody in my veins n my heart flies
Knock and a strange soul at the door
Witty fool flirts me on the floor
Prying! hoping to fill my empty core
Daydream? an Angel from the skies!
Her words are soft voice dries
No! my dear friend! no more cry
Just close your eyes
And let the water take you high
Vanishes then; no goodbyes
Furious me! riding on empty roads
I heard strange voices
'Hey man! Nice bike there' one cries
I lift my head, see men in lorries
'Cum'on peddle before your spirit dies'
Thinking me is it? but faking smiles
Push up, only to see your big eyes.
I shut myself where the darkness lies
I see you brighter closure than ever
Melody in my veins n my heart flies
Knock and a strange soul at the door
Witty fool flirts me on the floor
Prying! hoping to fill my empty core
Daydream? an Angel from the skies!
Her words are soft voice dries
No! my dear friend! no more cry
Just close your eyes
And let the water take you high
Vanishes then; no goodbyes
Furious me! riding on empty roads
I heard strange voices
'Hey man! Nice bike there' one cries
I lift my head, see men in lorries
'Cum'on peddle before your spirit dies'
Thinking me is it? but faking smiles
Push up, only to see your big eyes.
She said: Life is Beautiful
A moment
Here this glittering lightning night
Praying amnesia; yet holding tight
Open skies green grass
Laying vexed flipping past
Its
A courage to ask for
A dream to chase for
Live...
Never let anyone say
- Life is beautiful
Here this glittering lightning night
Praying amnesia; yet holding tight
Open skies green grass
Laying vexed flipping past
Its
A courage to ask for
A dream to chase for
Live...
Never let anyone say
- Life is beautiful
TWO NOTES
ONE:
No wonder if love takes you higher
Heart gonna rave to make the day brighter
Either it's only a happily thereafter
Or fire of fretful rush to grave down under!!
TWO:
Those yours big 'need you sparkling eyes
Saying you must be doing something right
When holding 'would be betraying hand
Caressing, walking around.
Eager I am; to be known
What happened there in the town!
This son of a bitch,
He talks and takes me there
But leaves me halfway along the shore
Wondering I am; seeker but alone
My promises to him hold me tight
Intuitions my vibes says you did right
The things that I don't have hold on
I heard she has moved on
And pearls of your eyes have drawn
That makes me miserable all the way down
What happened there in the town!
Hypocrite he is, a liar
Says telling me all but the half truth
But me thinks his 'topic s phony
Snaps he sent looks me too shabby
Let me garner more; you just hang on
Don't howl my friend, welcome the dawn
Obliterate whatever happened there in the town!!!
No wonder if love takes you higher
Heart gonna rave to make the day brighter
Either it's only a happily thereafter
Or fire of fretful rush to grave down under!!
TWO:
Those yours big 'need you sparkling eyes
Saying you must be doing something right
When holding 'would be betraying hand
Caressing, walking around.
Eager I am; to be known
What happened there in the town!
This son of a bitch,
He talks and takes me there
But leaves me halfway along the shore
Wondering I am; seeker but alone
My promises to him hold me tight
Intuitions my vibes says you did right
The things that I don't have hold on
I heard she has moved on
And pearls of your eyes have drawn
That makes me miserable all the way down
What happened there in the town!
Hypocrite he is, a liar
Says telling me all but the half truth
But me thinks his 'topic s phony
Snaps he sent looks me too shabby
Let me garner more; you just hang on
Don't howl my friend, welcome the dawn
Obliterate whatever happened there in the town!!!
Disc & Thoughts
And I see these 'flower like soft hands
Painted coloured carefully at the ends
Sensational they move n move and invites
Eject me wonder don't wanna go bends!
And this lazy fella around the edges
Bewitching yet hesitant stares of crooked smiles
Am gonna go furious and he sounds knave
Glimpses of eternity his finger searches curves
Have I found the rhythm? That vigor; he asked
Sparking eyes his points a direction and I noted
'That shit ain't cheap but have no holds on'
He resigns saying has lived, have I got hooked?
The night blossoming lazily to adolescence
Achieved dreams and poped-up vogue for some
Past midnight it is; no wagon to carry this body home
Why so thirsty to get drenched of ownhood makes sense
But I see the painted soft flower like hands
Moving body lets shut eyelashes and I touch mine
Eyes sees you, feels your breath caressing my spine
Eject me wakes up as don't wanna go bends!!
Painted coloured carefully at the ends
Sensational they move n move and invites
Eject me wonder don't wanna go bends!
And this lazy fella around the edges
Bewitching yet hesitant stares of crooked smiles
Am gonna go furious and he sounds knave
Glimpses of eternity his finger searches curves
Have I found the rhythm? That vigor; he asked
Sparking eyes his points a direction and I noted
'That shit ain't cheap but have no holds on'
He resigns saying has lived, have I got hooked?
The night blossoming lazily to adolescence
Achieved dreams and poped-up vogue for some
Past midnight it is; no wagon to carry this body home
Why so thirsty to get drenched of ownhood makes sense
But I see the painted soft flower like hands
Moving body lets shut eyelashes and I touch mine
Eyes sees you, feels your breath caressing my spine
Eject me wakes up as don't wanna go bends!!
My heaven!
No matter how far I go
Feelings don't feel like a magic one,
Beauty of whole world comes to
At a place to please to have fun,
I don't see nothing how high how low
The only thing I remember I know
Nowhere but in your arms is my heaven!!!
Feelings don't feel like a magic one,
Beauty of whole world comes to
At a place to please to have fun,
I don't see nothing how high how low
The only thing I remember I know
Nowhere but in your arms is my heaven!!!
Friday, 5 September 2014
Miss you already
Lunch was as usual, nothing new. I enter the second floor office keeping my smart phone inside locker, (pretty stupid company of ours, I know), swipe my card at the gate and flaps spread wide open like thighs opens up to make out. Taking a cup full of hot water from cafeteria I head to my workstation where I have kept small packet of Darjeeling tea bags, pour some sugar and the tea bag dipped into it I go to the window glass pane from where I can see Hyundai care workers shining some fancy cars, wearing all red, working making hand gesturing, talking I guess and I wonder I will be missing all this very soon.
Well, the thing is; something big is coming on my way, next year I think. Initial plans so shhhh.. let’s keep it secret for a moment.
Then, now, I am headed to my workstation and open the desktop window. The first thing is to turn on some music on jango.com, songs runs ‘sweet disposition’ and it makes my heart more wracking like this is it, this will be gone very soon. I already miss you. Miss everything you did for me and hopeless I am, can’t even hold your hand and say let’s get out of this all together. This ego of mine!
I wanna say a lot of things to you, more than ever. Every day I wake up uttering love you a thousand times, prepare dry fruits food items for you (that’s only thing I have as you already know it), filling water bottle carefully so that no dirt gathers around and then you! I think of you; imagine your face full of disgust seeing me, scared eyes looking all around as you made crime being with me, I put everything on bag and rush out as I wanna get out of the room as soon as possible. I can’t see you anymore; I want to but don’t want to.
Wish me luck on this new venture of mine (future would be venture) and hope this will some better.
Well, the thing is; something big is coming on my way, next year I think. Initial plans so shhhh.. let’s keep it secret for a moment.
Then, now, I am headed to my workstation and open the desktop window. The first thing is to turn on some music on jango.com, songs runs ‘sweet disposition’ and it makes my heart more wracking like this is it, this will be gone very soon. I already miss you. Miss everything you did for me and hopeless I am, can’t even hold your hand and say let’s get out of this all together. This ego of mine!
I wanna say a lot of things to you, more than ever. Every day I wake up uttering love you a thousand times, prepare dry fruits food items for you (that’s only thing I have as you already know it), filling water bottle carefully so that no dirt gathers around and then you! I think of you; imagine your face full of disgust seeing me, scared eyes looking all around as you made crime being with me, I put everything on bag and rush out as I wanna get out of the room as soon as possible. I can’t see you anymore; I want to but don’t want to.
Wish me luck on this new venture of mine (future would be venture) and hope this will some better.
Friday, 15 August 2014
Guwahati Half on 31st Aug 2014
Itinerary for the Guwahati Half trip-
Date – 27-08-2014 to 31-08-2014.
Delhi (NDLS) to New Jalpaiguri(NJP) – S7, 56. Train# 12502, Departure 23:45, Arrival 00:05.
New Jalpaiguri(NJP) to Kurseong(KGN) – Bus/ Shared taxi etc.
Kurseong(KGN) to Darjeeling (DJ) – 2S1, 11. Train# 52587, Departure 07:00, Arrival 09:45.
Darjeeling (DJ) to Kurseong(KGN) – 2S1, 11. Train# 52588, Departure 16:00, Arrival 18:40.
Kurseong(KGN) to New Jalpaiguri(NJP) – Bus/ Shared taxi etc.
New Jalpaiguri(NJP) to Guwahati(GHY) –S4, 3. Train# 12345, Departure 02:00, Arrival 09:30.
Guwahati(GU) to Delhi(DEL) – Flight# SG 881. Departure 15:40, Arrival 18:10.
Here is the link of Marathon info - http://techniche.org/marathon14/raceinfo.html
Date – 27-08-2014 to 31-08-2014.
Delhi (NDLS) to New Jalpaiguri(NJP) – S7, 56. Train# 12502, Departure 23:45, Arrival 00:05.
New Jalpaiguri(NJP) to Kurseong(KGN) – Bus/ Shared taxi etc.
Kurseong(KGN) to Darjeeling (DJ) – 2S1, 11. Train# 52587, Departure 07:00, Arrival 09:45.
Darjeeling (DJ) to Kurseong(KGN) – 2S1, 11. Train# 52588, Departure 16:00, Arrival 18:40.
Kurseong(KGN) to New Jalpaiguri(NJP) – Bus/ Shared taxi etc.
New Jalpaiguri(NJP) to Guwahati(GHY) –S4, 3. Train# 12345, Departure 02:00, Arrival 09:30.
Guwahati(GU) to Delhi(DEL) – Flight# SG 881. Departure 15:40, Arrival 18:10.
Here is the link of Marathon info - http://techniche.org/marathon14/raceinfo.html
Freedom!!
So the flying colors’ everywhere
As we have won it in truest sense!
I see smiling faces here n there
A false proud popping out from cage
As memory encounters the day of rage
Still, the flying colors’ everywhere
‘Freedom was won’ you say and we
Possess the right to seize
That glory and piece of land is mine
I claim, go fuck out of this place
Free now; a lion you are, might urinate
Marking territory, warning not to advance
And now I smell that scent everywhere
Millennium development goals gonna seize
But then the flying colors’ everywhere
As we have won it in truest sense
This half naked kid across the drive
Smiling; puts tricolor on my cycle
Coins; and blurred eyes his began to sparkle
Whispering, giggling his clan at far gonna twinkle
The flying colors’ everywhere
I rush, pushing the wagon; an impulse to flee
I chose my ways, but dejected; yet am free?
I rush to you memories down the lane
And a false proud popped out from cage
So the flying colors’ everywhere
As we have won it in truest sense!!
As we have won it in truest sense!
I see smiling faces here n there
A false proud popping out from cage
As memory encounters the day of rage
Still, the flying colors’ everywhere
‘Freedom was won’ you say and we
Possess the right to seize
That glory and piece of land is mine
I claim, go fuck out of this place
Free now; a lion you are, might urinate
Marking territory, warning not to advance
And now I smell that scent everywhere
Millennium development goals gonna seize
But then the flying colors’ everywhere
As we have won it in truest sense
This half naked kid across the drive
Smiling; puts tricolor on my cycle
Coins; and blurred eyes his began to sparkle
Whispering, giggling his clan at far gonna twinkle
The flying colors’ everywhere
I rush, pushing the wagon; an impulse to flee
I chose my ways, but dejected; yet am free?
I rush to you memories down the lane
And a false proud popped out from cage
So the flying colors’ everywhere
As we have won it in truest sense!!
Friday, 25 July 2014
Your Life and this Wall!
Affairs, you had it all
You got it all somehow
Erecting along the waves
To go against the flow
You had it all!
Those dark nights and whispering air
Arrival signals!
Did no harm to anyone; playing fair
But unaware that a wall can grow
Somewhere
Yet you had it all!!
You moved ahead you lived
Leaving behind your shadows somehow
And left alone a little soul to appall
Exotic; he builds a wall
Joy of fractions and dead blow
You got it all!
And now,
No matter how many try to climb; and fall
Try to change, try to break the wall
Way too far the soul has gone
Signaling,
Don’t trust me, will ruin you when will fall
Affairs, you had it all
You got it all somehow
Erecting along the waves
Bouncing dancing against the flow
You had it all!!
The little adamant soul still frightens inside
The flinty wall!!
You got it all somehow
Erecting along the waves
To go against the flow
You had it all!
Those dark nights and whispering air
Arrival signals!
Did no harm to anyone; playing fair
But unaware that a wall can grow
Somewhere
Yet you had it all!!
You moved ahead you lived
Leaving behind your shadows somehow
And left alone a little soul to appall
Exotic; he builds a wall
Joy of fractions and dead blow
You got it all!
And now,
No matter how many try to climb; and fall
Try to change, try to break the wall
Way too far the soul has gone
Signaling,
Don’t trust me, will ruin you when will fall
Affairs, you had it all
You got it all somehow
Erecting along the waves
Bouncing dancing against the flow
You had it all!!
The little adamant soul still frightens inside
The flinty wall!!
Tuesday, 22 July 2014
Bang bang!!
It’s been long since i wrote the Shimla – Reckong Peo bus trip. I think I never felt like writing after that may be I was too content with myself or with people from virtual world around. But today again I felt like betrayed again when the companion from virtual world forgot to tell me that I have gained nothing from last 4 months togetherness.
Anyways moving ahead, past one month has been a different experience all together. Weekdays are going working as usual and weekends were like drinking n all. Last Saturday I happen to go to a Mall in Gurgaon and there are some bars or pubs, whatever you called it, along the line of PVR cinema. This was first time for me and I was surprised to see what went inside those closed big door covered by big heavyweights’ called bouncers’. Under the heavy sound of DJ and crowed and beers and drinks of different kind and dancing girls pushing the drunks away and guys struggling to stand and wet floor; it’s a different life all together.
We went inside around 2000 hrs. The entry fee is 500 bucks and you get coupons of same amount to get yourself drink or something inside. We already had a beer outside. As the night came along, the crowed too started flowing like anything. Within an hour the entire floor was packed. This was first time for me so just danced and observed things around. Saw girls bargaining; dance with them was at 500 bucks and if you wanna have some shots it was a different price starting from 1500 bucks.
Do I call that a joy? May be it is.
But one thing is sure; inside you forget the world around you and just flow with the tunes of music. You get a companion as per your pocket and there is no regret on either side. The problem is for the badass like me, I was fully drunk and couldn’t even hold myself but then when I was romancing or was trying to romancing with music’s tune closing my eyes, and and all I could see was her face her eyes and all of her nothing else. So much crowed so much to enjoy yet alone, everyone was so strange and out of life.
Another thing I saw near the place where I live; there is some lonely stretch with a park along the road, some chakke who provide some services to their clients in open under the bunch of trees. I couldn’t gain courage to ask them the price and what all included in that service.
Tough days, but wish you have a wonderful trip there. Do some bang bang there as the name says!!
Anyways moving ahead, past one month has been a different experience all together. Weekdays are going working as usual and weekends were like drinking n all. Last Saturday I happen to go to a Mall in Gurgaon and there are some bars or pubs, whatever you called it, along the line of PVR cinema. This was first time for me and I was surprised to see what went inside those closed big door covered by big heavyweights’ called bouncers’. Under the heavy sound of DJ and crowed and beers and drinks of different kind and dancing girls pushing the drunks away and guys struggling to stand and wet floor; it’s a different life all together.
We went inside around 2000 hrs. The entry fee is 500 bucks and you get coupons of same amount to get yourself drink or something inside. We already had a beer outside. As the night came along, the crowed too started flowing like anything. Within an hour the entire floor was packed. This was first time for me so just danced and observed things around. Saw girls bargaining; dance with them was at 500 bucks and if you wanna have some shots it was a different price starting from 1500 bucks.
Do I call that a joy? May be it is.
But one thing is sure; inside you forget the world around you and just flow with the tunes of music. You get a companion as per your pocket and there is no regret on either side. The problem is for the badass like me, I was fully drunk and couldn’t even hold myself but then when I was romancing or was trying to romancing with music’s tune closing my eyes, and and all I could see was her face her eyes and all of her nothing else. So much crowed so much to enjoy yet alone, everyone was so strange and out of life.
Another thing I saw near the place where I live; there is some lonely stretch with a park along the road, some chakke who provide some services to their clients in open under the bunch of trees. I couldn’t gain courage to ask them the price and what all included in that service.
Tough days, but wish you have a wonderful trip there. Do some bang bang there as the name says!!
Wednesday, 16 July 2014
Let me Come to You!
Those big 'need you kind of sparkling eyes
Saying you must be doing something right
When holding 'would be betrayed hand
Caressing, walking around.
Eager I am; to be known
What happened there in the town!
This son of a bitch,
He talks and takes me there
But leaves me along the shore
Wondering I am; seeker but alone
My promises to him holds me tight
Intuitions, my vibes says you did right
The things that I don’t have hold on
I heard she has moved on,
And pearls of your eyes have drawn
That makes me miserable all the way down
What happened there in the town!
Hypocrite he is, a liar,
Says telling me the half truth
But me thinks his 'topic's phony
Snaps he sent look me too shabby
Let me garner more; you just hang on
Don’t howl my friend, welcome the dawn
Obliterate whatever happened there in the town!
Saying you must be doing something right
When holding 'would be betrayed hand
Caressing, walking around.
Eager I am; to be known
What happened there in the town!
This son of a bitch,
He talks and takes me there
But leaves me along the shore
Wondering I am; seeker but alone
My promises to him holds me tight
Intuitions, my vibes says you did right
The things that I don’t have hold on
I heard she has moved on,
And pearls of your eyes have drawn
That makes me miserable all the way down
What happened there in the town!
Hypocrite he is, a liar,
Says telling me the half truth
But me thinks his 'topic's phony
Snaps he sent look me too shabby
Let me garner more; you just hang on
Don’t howl my friend, welcome the dawn
Obliterate whatever happened there in the town!
Monday, 14 July 2014
Racing Life
Fire inside sullen mind
Strolling rays’ shining virgin mists
Wiggling creatures are lifting lids
Race has begun!!
Hopes’ smiling as the sun paints
Colorful cosmos, dream faints
Buoyant some
Rushing race going blind
Growing fire now blowing mind
Ready to break the wall;
Of past
Hitting and hitting, pushing the limits
Strolling rays’ shining virgin mists
Incredible Race!!
Rolling down pearls, briny!
Tilted head squeezes the body parts
Race is not meant for any halts
But for braves
Only to reach safely to our graves!!
Strolling rays’ shining virgin mists
Wiggling creatures are lifting lids
Race has begun!!
Hopes’ smiling as the sun paints
Colorful cosmos, dream faints
Buoyant some
Rushing race going blind
Growing fire now blowing mind
Ready to break the wall;
Of past
Hitting and hitting, pushing the limits
Strolling rays’ shining virgin mists
Incredible Race!!
Rolling down pearls, briny!
Tilted head squeezes the body parts
Race is not meant for any halts
But for braves
Only to reach safely to our graves!!
Friday, 11 July 2014
For You!
So here I am;
Walking down the gallery,
Holding my hands in unison,
Trembling but begging for a permission,
Let me hold you once!
Up above are crossed stars
Or smiling moon tantalizes senses
‘Ignorance is bliss you say’
So be it; but it’s too late
How can I ever trust you again?
Fleeting time and,
Fiery yet glassy you,
Why colors’ of chameleons I say!
Changing;
Truth sails the ocean called life,
Bubbling heart
Demands to get what it craves for
But for now,
Tired head asks for your shoulder
Let it rest there once!
Longing peace, nothing more!!
Walking down the gallery,
Holding my hands in unison,
Trembling but begging for a permission,
Let me hold you once!
Up above are crossed stars
Or smiling moon tantalizes senses
‘Ignorance is bliss you say’
So be it; but it’s too late
How can I ever trust you again?
Fleeting time and,
Fiery yet glassy you,
Why colors’ of chameleons I say!
Changing;
Truth sails the ocean called life,
Bubbling heart
Demands to get what it craves for
But for now,
Tired head asks for your shoulder
Let it rest there once!
Longing peace, nothing more!!
Thursday, 10 July 2014
Currently Reading
Just about to finish “The Fault In Our Stars” by John Green. It’s a beautifully written book, humors’ the reader with some great writings. Loved some of the phrases like ‘pain demands to be felt’, ‘starts has tendency to cross’ and many more..
Great Book!!
Great Book!!
Bus Trip: Shimla – Reckong Peo
5th of July afternoon I woke with a horrible dream; felt like all alone in a barren ocean. So packed the bag with a wind cheater a towel a book some toiletry items and headed towards the Kashmiri Gate ISBT.
While in metro towards was thinking where to go. Uttarakhand or HP or J&K and chose HP randomly with a decision that first bus boarding towards anywhere with be my destination. I found a Shimla going bus and booked a ticket.
Reached Shimla next morning and saw a bus going towards Lippa, there is a Buddha Monastery in Lippa. The route goes through Rampur-Reckong Peo. It’s an adventurous route in itself, running along the Sutlej River. It was blocked in-between and the linking route was 25 kms more with sharp 360 degree bends where bus couldn’t turn in a single go. That was the best part of the journey. A pure work of hard work and craft on hard rock.
At evening reached Reckong Peo and decided to halt there. Like all the border areas, here too I could see all govt. officials, didn’t felt good so walked across the semi open market and boarded the last Shimla going bus at 0730pm.
Next morning I was in Shimla. Gave myself a tea party; hey c’mon it was my birthday!!
Initial plan was to go to Dehradun to visit a old buddy of mine to have a scooty ride to some watery place but the time crunch; first Dehradun going bus from there was suppose to reach at evening so decided to head back to Delhi.
Life still seems unreasonable sometime. It is like ending everything and start it again with all the freshness but as they say; time goes on’ so do everything else around us’. I didn’t want to be sitting alone at my empty smelly room on my birthday so was this trip. Though there was nothing to witness or something majestic about it but being with the road somewhat solved the problem.
I wish to have some good year to live by and most importantly have some close good companionship; yes, I know I have started talking about company, I think have lived a lot alone.
Happy Birthday to me!! Belated by 3 days now though!
While in metro towards was thinking where to go. Uttarakhand or HP or J&K and chose HP randomly with a decision that first bus boarding towards anywhere with be my destination. I found a Shimla going bus and booked a ticket.
Reached Shimla next morning and saw a bus going towards Lippa, there is a Buddha Monastery in Lippa. The route goes through Rampur-Reckong Peo. It’s an adventurous route in itself, running along the Sutlej River. It was blocked in-between and the linking route was 25 kms more with sharp 360 degree bends where bus couldn’t turn in a single go. That was the best part of the journey. A pure work of hard work and craft on hard rock.
At evening reached Reckong Peo and decided to halt there. Like all the border areas, here too I could see all govt. officials, didn’t felt good so walked across the semi open market and boarded the last Shimla going bus at 0730pm.
Next morning I was in Shimla. Gave myself a tea party; hey c’mon it was my birthday!!
Initial plan was to go to Dehradun to visit a old buddy of mine to have a scooty ride to some watery place but the time crunch; first Dehradun going bus from there was suppose to reach at evening so decided to head back to Delhi.
Life still seems unreasonable sometime. It is like ending everything and start it again with all the freshness but as they say; time goes on’ so do everything else around us’. I didn’t want to be sitting alone at my empty smelly room on my birthday so was this trip. Though there was nothing to witness or something majestic about it but being with the road somewhat solved the problem.
I wish to have some good year to live by and most importantly have some close good companionship; yes, I know I have started talking about company, I think have lived a lot alone.
Happy Birthday to me!! Belated by 3 days now though!
Wednesday, 11 June 2014
Wondering Soul Inside
There was this insanity came over me recently, having bird’s eye view on myself. It’s like sitting on the rooftop and notice each n every movements of everything. Days are passing just like nothing; everything is so still calm that I often hear my heartbeats. I look at my hands, shivering though; feel the skin a gentle touch on my face ignites a spark, where on earth I am going! And at the same time I wonder some years down the line where I am going to be?
Traveling on DTC buses on this humid hot Delhi’s summer when temperature is crossing 45 degree Celsius like anything as like a normal thing to happen, then walking and looking at all the bandit queens with over-sized sunglasses gives a sensation inside my heart. A sensation of loneliness, of being left out of the race and at the same time telling me that you chose this path of being like this so why regretting of your decision.
Alas! Decisions are prone to accident like this, it’s the heart who has to sync with decisions’ else everything around us will look so deserted, so out of life.
And they say broken hearts are hard to repair that too if that causes coz of your decisions! There are so many other factors too. If that soul who is experiencing the foreign land with new companion, would have taken me into consideration or would have understood me or at least would have communicated consulted with me before choosing to go away, life would have been so different for me now. Off course I would have let the soul go on and move ahead. But cruel that soul chose to travel in two boats thus as they say ‘one foot cannot stand on two boats’ life bubbled up and left herself to float with the flow. And lucky that soul got to the shore and walked out happily towards a new life with brand new partner.
But what about those boats who stood with that soul all throughout, in happy times, in tough times! But then Who cares!!
Wednesday, 4 June 2014
A Note to Myself VI
In a mid of year 2014; it’s exactly the same how it started the year. Recent salary hike isn’t doing any justice to the pathetic life style. You know what, last night my room flooded with the tap water, that too me being inside. I was sleeping like hell, couldn’t even realize the sound of running water. I think I too was happy being flooded just like my Jaan must have got flooded at the same time, that too in foreign land (it was suppose to be the first night).
With that; there is no going out, no exploration though the ideas keep coming in my head but couldn’t plan right now. I have become so fearful and deary of myself that I am not able to realize what’s going on!
Recently I read Jiah Khan’s mysterious last letter posted on internet, man! How deep her love was that her own life was nothing. That made me thinking and left me sad.
So the SBI exam is coming up this month, as usual I am in a no mood to give it a do or die fight however at the same hopeful to do well.
Also, having a tough battle with this foolish bureaucracy to give me an identity a driving license or a passport or anything. Pity is I pay taxes to the govt. and they need a proof that I am Indian citizen to get these.
After living almost half of this year, what I have gained? I ask myself and the answer is nothing! It has been a sleep, get ready travel to work to work for 10-11 hours, just to go back to bed sobbing abusing. Where was the wrong I ask, what could have been done and how on earth I have come way too far with myself alone that I find nobody, not a single soul to tell me how it was!! Was my instinct wrong or I trusted the wrong soul to depend? That soul has landed to the foreign land leaving me all alone! Why I am adding it up? Do I need to let it go but how? It is a hard thing to do and looks impossible as of now.
Having said that though I have lost all the reasons of hope but somehow I have to keep breathing. Who knows what the morning will bring! May be a new me with bring new changes to myself, maybe a new energy flow will come, the new mornings ray of hope will bring a tide to wipe off all the memories just to fill up fresh breathings. But the ultimate question is when and how?
Saturday, 31 May 2014
Reading Season
I have just finished reading two books “Don't Ask Any Old Bloke for Directions – by PG Tenzing” and “White Fang – by Jack London”. The former one is about a Motorbike touring across India, telling his travel tales mixed with how Indian govt. works. Jack is as usual in his finest imaginary swing and is a good read.
Next is “Call of the Wild – by Jack London”
Monday, 14 April 2014
A Note to Myself V
Does doing insane thing helps you to achieve something?
Last two weeks were full of experiments to find an answer of above. I find this true to the some extent, maybe there is nothing called absolute solution but sometime you need a slap on your face to regain the lost conscience. Even a sentence or a word can do that magic. Trust me on this! Intentionally I got that magic.
Here is how, I had one contact which I thought will understand, or at least will be the same what I left two and a half years ago; however, those firm and echoing words slapped very hard on my face saying like fuck off! Go get a life.
And another one, as I have mentioned earlier, the facebook one! I came to know how unconvincing I am, how unexpressive I am, I couldn’t put my heart on words. Maybe it’s the uncertainty or an anjana talk it is, whatever it is, my heart doesn’t allows me to open up to strangers. Ultimately, I got those magic words slapping straight on my face.
So I have regained a bit of myself over these two weeks, however mornings are still full of weirdness and prays to hold her, see her, heard that lovely sleepy voice, to put my hand on face then crease falling hairs. Morning hours are just like this, mixed feelings of like end of the world, a free world. But when you already have touched the high point, below that bar is always dull of life.
Thursday, 3 April 2014
Bike to Work.
Delhi’s temperature crossing 35 degree Celsius already and its going to be tough summer this time riding to work. It’s been two months and counting, not so regular though. Mornings are always better than nights, coz in my case no matter how hard I try to convince myself not to go cycling to work the previous night, but comes the next morning and I find myself ready to go to work in cycling attire.
And it’s fun to see kids racing with you, going ahead and you smile passing by when you hear "gear wali cycle to haraa dia". It gives an immense pride and joy seeing the irritated car drivers, shouting truck drivers and over enthusiastic truck conductors. Everyone turns back to you some with amazed faces, some in funny faces, some making fool of themselves. But at the end of the day you get a big relief of being survived and in full piece.
So the blame game continued with the slipped one!, facebook linked to someone self proclaimed adventurous person. Initial talk looks scary but at the same time having someone unknown listening to your heart is always good or safe, ohh no it’s not safe, when you know that the watchful eyes are there too. However, the interesting thing is some other’s prediction, gets you to think, analyze what went wrong and more importantly thought process gets a new perspective. But then can unknown persons sorrow/joy be your adventure?
All my thoughts, adventures are on hold. Doing double shift, sleeping, biking can engage you on weekdays but what about weekends? Two days of doing nothing fills nothing inside the dirty mind and makes every second like a year.
Monday, 3 March 2014
A Note to Myself IV
It’s been long since I wrote here. So thing is I have been busy in nowhere but myself. I was looking for a solution for all the miserable life I am living, haven’t found anything, however, one thing got cleared that all these years I was wrong! I was looking for life in materialistic things or in nature but found that it is human relations where life is!!
But it’s too late now. I can’t get what I have lost during this journey. I am just like a newly born child whose parents left him at the footpath. I need a shelter, a home, a pure hand whose fingers I can hold and can say Thank you! But life is not what we think; it’s a continuous process of moving ahead. Here no one waits for nobody, everyone climbing up putting foot on another head.
So the thing is; I was wrong and realization came late. Now I am all alone, back to the times where I started.
But one thing I got; a new feeling, a new heart, new times, new thinking, wet eyes and above all, a feeling of love; which I waited for a long-long time.
And this life is for you now. xoxo
Tuesday, 18 February 2014
Medaram: Sammakka Saralamma Jatara
2014 Jatara dates were February 12 to 15. Its the kumbh mela of Telangana region, thousands of thousands people go there to take holy bath and make a wish. Sammakka Saralamma Jatara or Medaram Jatara begins at Medaram which is about 100 kms. from Warangal.
We started early in the 15th morning, a shared cab from home and train 17011 from Secunderabad Jn. to Kazipet, again a bus from there to Warangal.
Explored Warangal till evening 1700 hrs. and then a bus for 4 hrs. of journey to Medaram. Mela was almost closed, reached there by 2100 hrs. went straight to the temple area to find the shelter for the night. Looking and roaming around didn’t appealed much so decided to take bath, do the darshan and head back to Hyderabad.
Took bath at 2300 hrs. followed by darshan, at 0200 hrs. boarded a bus back to Warangal and from there bus to Hyderabad. At 0930 hrs. I was back to my dorm.
I was not ready for this trip halfheartedly but what you do when you get rejected by your loved one! All the time, every moment was dedicated to the past, things that I did wrong. Everybody visits God and asks for goodness but I was there to make fool of myself; no wish nothing came from inside, was just walking barefoot over the area full of coconut water and melted jaggery blocks. May be am being so stubborn or may be God knows what’s inside my heart or perhaps I don’t have anything to ask for or may be I’m too heartbroken to wish something.
Anyways here’s some snaps…
Whisper your wish to Nandi and feel good!!!! I didn't though! @ Thousand Pillars temple.
@ Warangal fort..
At top air was blowing so beautifully, sat there for almost an hour and missed every part of past.
@ the temple. guess what is that I’m standing at? yea! melted Jaggery it is..
Open temple. Coconut and Jaggery blocks instead of flowers.!
We started early in the 15th morning, a shared cab from home and train 17011 from Secunderabad Jn. to Kazipet, again a bus from there to Warangal.
Explored Warangal till evening 1700 hrs. and then a bus for 4 hrs. of journey to Medaram. Mela was almost closed, reached there by 2100 hrs. went straight to the temple area to find the shelter for the night. Looking and roaming around didn’t appealed much so decided to take bath, do the darshan and head back to Hyderabad.
Took bath at 2300 hrs. followed by darshan, at 0200 hrs. boarded a bus back to Warangal and from there bus to Hyderabad. At 0930 hrs. I was back to my dorm.
I was not ready for this trip halfheartedly but what you do when you get rejected by your loved one! All the time, every moment was dedicated to the past, things that I did wrong. Everybody visits God and asks for goodness but I was there to make fool of myself; no wish nothing came from inside, was just walking barefoot over the area full of coconut water and melted jaggery blocks. May be am being so stubborn or may be God knows what’s inside my heart or perhaps I don’t have anything to ask for or may be I’m too heartbroken to wish something.
Anyways here’s some snaps…
Whisper your wish to Nandi and feel good!!!! I didn't though! @ Thousand Pillars temple.
@ Warangal fort..
At top air was blowing so beautifully, sat there for almost an hour and missed every part of past.
@ the temple. guess what is that I’m standing at? yea! melted Jaggery it is..
Open temple. Coconut and Jaggery blocks instead of flowers.!
Trip report - Hyderabad – Ooty
As planned, this happens to be an epic of own kind but it didn’t go well.
First I missed the connecting train from Vijayawada, as the train was late by 2 hrs. Had to take general boggy, reached Chennai at 5 in the evening. Walked up to Marina beach and came back to catch the Neelgiri exp. train. I was lucky till here but didn’t go alright at Metupalaiyam station. I was in waiting list and toy train was having only three small bogies; train left at scheduled time but without me.
Lesson learnt here and went to the bus stand which is at the walking distance. I was already heart broken, the missed toy train did no good. Got a bus to Coimbatore and waited there for my return train to Hyderabad.
@ Marina beach, full of localities…
First I missed the connecting train from Vijayawada, as the train was late by 2 hrs. Had to take general boggy, reached Chennai at 5 in the evening. Walked up to Marina beach and came back to catch the Neelgiri exp. train. I was lucky till here but didn’t go alright at Metupalaiyam station. I was in waiting list and toy train was having only three small bogies; train left at scheduled time but without me.
Lesson learnt here and went to the bus stand which is at the walking distance. I was already heart broken, the missed toy train did no good. Got a bus to Coimbatore and waited there for my return train to Hyderabad.
@ Marina beach, full of localities…
Saturday, 1 February 2014
Some random thoughts II
February month has always been a different month altogether since I know it. Last year too I wrote something which came randomly in my thoughts. This is a lazy month I guess; where we do revise ourselves and plan for which lies ahead.
I believed myself as a dreamer, a lonely but go getter fellow and now I see myself going with the flow of life with no desire ambitions, its like water flowing along the tough mountains.
Or may be this month is a beginning of achieving THAT moment and who gets through this phase achieves good in life; at the same time who gets struck, like me, keeps complaining again n again about everything.
The real joy is to fight through not to just get carried away with the flow.
And I got carried away with the flow, that flow was a short moment of joy and what lies ahead now is a barren uninterested field; still I am now, no force around. Foolishness has no joy.
Perhaps dreams are for those who are willing to accept the joy of flow with foresight in mind, a courage to accept the outcome.
And its not for me who is sitting in office on this beautiful Saturday, working still thinking a way out of everything, why way out coz never acted, never will. This bloody siren is going in my head now, I should go out now.
I believed myself as a dreamer, a lonely but go getter fellow and now I see myself going with the flow of life with no desire ambitions, its like water flowing along the tough mountains.
Or may be this month is a beginning of achieving THAT moment and who gets through this phase achieves good in life; at the same time who gets struck, like me, keeps complaining again n again about everything.
The real joy is to fight through not to just get carried away with the flow.
And I got carried away with the flow, that flow was a short moment of joy and what lies ahead now is a barren uninterested field; still I am now, no force around. Foolishness has no joy.
Perhaps dreams are for those who are willing to accept the joy of flow with foresight in mind, a courage to accept the outcome.
And its not for me who is sitting in office on this beautiful Saturday, working still thinking a way out of everything, why way out coz never acted, never will. This bloody siren is going in my head now, I should go out now.
Thursday, 23 January 2014
A Note to Myself III
So I was passing through the iconic Cyber tower building and was having a conversion with myself involving three of us (hell! No it’s not a love triangle thing). The thing is we all sounded sad, deep breathing pounding heart and then one thing came in mind that it’s all in destiny! We all are destined to do certain thing, even if we don’t accept it; we don’t deny as well. As the Mum said ‘May God blesses her a blissful happy married life; that’s all we desire’. I had to bow to the frankness generosity of Mum.
Wherever we are right now, we should have a great time and accept the truth that destiny has its own playground, in which we are the masters following the move/directions of destiny.
That should not end here too, destiny is there, no doubt, however, we are the player, we gotta make the move gotta give signal to the destiny maker what changes we want. Of course decision will purely be upon Him, we just need to put our opinions ourselves.
So here I was walking down the gallery of office building, holding my own hand in unison, praying let me hold her! Let me give one, at least one good thing happened to me so far, I got to fill that good and live up to that.
That’s all I want!! I beg.
Wherever we are right now, we should have a great time and accept the truth that destiny has its own playground, in which we are the masters following the move/directions of destiny.
That should not end here too, destiny is there, no doubt, however, we are the player, we gotta make the move gotta give signal to the destiny maker what changes we want. Of course decision will purely be upon Him, we just need to put our opinions ourselves.
So here I was walking down the gallery of office building, holding my own hand in unison, praying let me hold her! Let me give one, at least one good thing happened to me so far, I got to fill that good and live up to that.
That’s all I want!! I beg.
Monday, 13 January 2014
A Note to Myself II
Today, evening was dedicated to let go of some memories I have been carrying since long. I never had this feeling to let go of anything, I remember good old day of me being a storekeeper; used to keep each and everything.
Anyway, it was a wine shop near Kondapur chowk, there is a open area besides the shop and some khomchewala’s were there too, to spice up the taste of beer. So, sitting on one of the boulders there, bottle was up so the chin with open mouth to gulp some. Suddenly I saw some stars shining up in the sky, it looked so beautiful that I forgot the surrounding where bottles, plastic glasses, empty plastic water cans scattered everywhere, peoples sitting there talking complaining and funny thing was if they need to pee, they just have to turn around to relieve themselves.
I wrote another note to the slipped one (?) and hope that will clear some differences, most importantly that will bring halt to overflow of my thoughts inside my nasty head. Sometime I wonder why on earth we have such thing called emotion! Its killing man! literally making me sick. The thoughts are like never ending. Every moment is full of past and future.
Now that I’m home alone, thinking of me next trip this weekend, not excited though. Well, I have reasons for that so no blame game here. I gotta do it anyway. And hope tomorrow morning will bring some good things.
Friday, 10 January 2014
A Note to Myself I
So; what new year bought this time?
For me, its a sad affair so far. The first double digit days are full of experiences in terms of emotions n all. I asked myself what is the meaning of break-up, and then try to put together the broken pieces! Well they say once its broken its broken…
Well, right now I am going through a different phase though. The broken pieces are literally taking its shape better than before!! No surprise here, coz its no material thing, we are talking about human relations. Something what I had taken for granted; got slipped and never came back (yeah, this is other side of story). However, from my side its gonna grow like anything, I can feel it.
We all had taken wrong paths some or other point of time, and the ultimate thing is we have learnt some or all of it.
And another thing is ‘why so serious!’
Let it be! let it grow on ourselves so that we can have a new perspective about everything.
These 10 days have shown me a bit of sad part, a bit of come back part, and most recently I got scolded in front of someone who used be a other half part of mine! (yup! you got t right, its gone now, I’m with only the remaining half part). So, what makes us to do such things? I got no answer. Its not that I’m looking for it, the thing is I don’t wanna know…
Hilarious!!!
For me, its a sad affair so far. The first double digit days are full of experiences in terms of emotions n all. I asked myself what is the meaning of break-up, and then try to put together the broken pieces! Well they say once its broken its broken…
Well, right now I am going through a different phase though. The broken pieces are literally taking its shape better than before!! No surprise here, coz its no material thing, we are talking about human relations. Something what I had taken for granted; got slipped and never came back (yeah, this is other side of story). However, from my side its gonna grow like anything, I can feel it.
We all had taken wrong paths some or other point of time, and the ultimate thing is we have learnt some or all of it.
And another thing is ‘why so serious!’
Let it be! let it grow on ourselves so that we can have a new perspective about everything.
These 10 days have shown me a bit of sad part, a bit of come back part, and most recently I got scolded in front of someone who used be a other half part of mine! (yup! you got t right, its gone now, I’m with only the remaining half part). So, what makes us to do such things? I got no answer. Its not that I’m looking for it, the thing is I don’t wanna know…
Hilarious!!!
Monday, 6 January 2014
Nampally to Tandur Passenger Train
This was one random trip I did yesterday, exploring the local.
The journey was simple; go out and get into whatever comes first. I started from Hi-tech city local railway station and reached Nampally (Hyderabad deccan) railway station. The day ahead was simple; the local passenger train Hyderabad to Tandur 57517 was ready to depart. 03 hrs. of journey one way (fare rs. 25/-) and came back on the same train till Lingampally station and changed train MMTS to Hi-tech city. Then an auto till cyber tower, a walk to Paradise to pack mutton biryani home by 2100 hrs.
During those travelling hours I tried to read the book, ‘On the Road’ but couldn’t, was too tired to read.
One thing all the time I was thinking was; what makes a human go crazy and kills oneself, I mean why suicide? Till this day I never thought of it, for me this world has so much to offer. We will run out of time to explore all of it. The changing weather, sunrise sunsets, natural beauty, good feelings and on top of it we don’t have to any far to achieve it all! Then why there is this extreme step?
Why I had this thought is another explode untouched inside my head, but if ever one has a thought of going extreme definitely, means there was no hope from anyone anything. The world just stops, all beauty scattered, nothing suits to please and then there is this little box to confine oneself. And one fine day the ray of hope gets thinner the point of existence or self believe gets way too down to feel. Then there comes THE STEP!
I know starting a new year like this is no good! But then when you don’t have control of the situation, you head to nowhere so that the little confined box stays in dark. I am heading to nowhere everyday now! Don’t want to know what lies ahead.
Anyways; the destination Tandur is famous for marbles and stone artefacts. I could see all whitish ground and noisy stone cutting machine.
One more funny thing happened at Nampally station; all the people were standing on the foot bridge not on platforms, guess why? well yes! no one knew which platform will bring a ride to home!
The journey was simple; go out and get into whatever comes first. I started from Hi-tech city local railway station and reached Nampally (Hyderabad deccan) railway station. The day ahead was simple; the local passenger train Hyderabad to Tandur 57517 was ready to depart. 03 hrs. of journey one way (fare rs. 25/-) and came back on the same train till Lingampally station and changed train MMTS to Hi-tech city. Then an auto till cyber tower, a walk to Paradise to pack mutton biryani home by 2100 hrs.
During those travelling hours I tried to read the book, ‘On the Road’ but couldn’t, was too tired to read.
One thing all the time I was thinking was; what makes a human go crazy and kills oneself, I mean why suicide? Till this day I never thought of it, for me this world has so much to offer. We will run out of time to explore all of it. The changing weather, sunrise sunsets, natural beauty, good feelings and on top of it we don’t have to any far to achieve it all! Then why there is this extreme step?
Why I had this thought is another explode untouched inside my head, but if ever one has a thought of going extreme definitely, means there was no hope from anyone anything. The world just stops, all beauty scattered, nothing suits to please and then there is this little box to confine oneself. And one fine day the ray of hope gets thinner the point of existence or self believe gets way too down to feel. Then there comes THE STEP!
I know starting a new year like this is no good! But then when you don’t have control of the situation, you head to nowhere so that the little confined box stays in dark. I am heading to nowhere everyday now! Don’t want to know what lies ahead.
Anyways; the destination Tandur is famous for marbles and stone artefacts. I could see all whitish ground and noisy stone cutting machine.
One more funny thing happened at Nampally station; all the people were standing on the foot bridge not on platforms, guess why? well yes! no one knew which platform will bring a ride to home!
Thursday, 2 January 2014
Year 2013 It Was!
A new calendar has started. Its time to set new goals plans and at the same time before jumping ahead, lets go back to see how was it to ride with year 2013. Certainly the year was full of action.
In terms of running; Delhi Half was the best one, also ran Hyderabad half & Mussoorie half, Missed the Ladakh run.
Witnessed the Asian Cycling championship at Velodrome and Budh Circuit. With my new cross check came in; I had to let go to my first bike Schwinn. In this bike I did day long Bidar trip, Mathura-Vrindavan, and 4 days long Jaipur-Jodhpur trip. Independence day ride was awesome. I started biking to work at end of the year.
Left Infy in Jan and then started second inning at my current organization. Then came some nawabi moments at Hyderabad.
Hyderabad gave a new perspective to exploration. Hence visited nearby mystic Jog falls, Srisailam, Hampi, Vizag – Araku Valley, Borra Caves.
Mussoorie mall road walk was a unique experience; angrez were remembered for the banner ‘Indians and dogs are not allowed’. St George House location was wonderful.
If I need to pick, certainly Jaipur-Jodhpur trip was best, after that Jog falls trip was memorable.
With a hope of new journeys & exploration, may this year 2014 give everybody a joy-blast. A wonder-full trekk-full snow-full happy new year 2014.
New year resolutions list is ready.
Wednesday, 1 January 2014
Hyderabad – Ooty Train Trip Itinerary
Itinerary for the weekend trip to Ooty.
Date – 17-01-2014 to 21-01-2014.
Hi-tech to Secunderabad – MMTS local, Train# 47194, Departure 21:58, Arrival 22:27
Secunderabad to Vijayawada – WL4. Train# 17232, Departure 23:30, Arrival 05:35.
Vijayawada to Chennai Central – 2S, D4/72. Train# 12711, Departure 06:00, Arrival 13:00.
Chennai Central to Metupalaiyam – WL40. Train# 12671, Departure 21:15, Arrival 06:15.
Metupalaiyam to Udhagamandalam (Ooty) – WL45. Train# 56136, Departure 07:10, Arrival 12:00.
Udhagamandalam (Ooty) to Bangalore – Via Bus. Unreserved, Night travel.
Bangalore to Hyderabad – Undecided, confused soul.
17th Jan – Starting day
| Train No | Train Name | Runs From Source | ||
| 17232 | NSL NS EXP | NAGARSOL | ||
| SNo | Stn Code | Stn Name | Arrival Time | Dep. Time |
| 11 | SC | SECUNDERABAD JN | 23:10 | 23:30 |
| 20 | BZA | VIJAYAWADA JN | 05:35 | 05:50 |
18th Jan – Todays target is to reach Chennai and have beer with a friend.
| Train No | Train Name | Runs From Source | ||
| 12711 | PINAKINI EXP | VIJAYAWADA JN | ||
| SNo | Stn Code | Stn Name | Arrival Time | Dep. Time |
| 1 | BZA | VIJAYAWADA JN | Source | 06:00 |
| 13 | MAS | CHENNAI CENTRAL | 13:00 | Destination |
18th Evening –
| Train No | Train Name | Runs From Source | ||
| 12671 | NILAGIRI EXP | CHENNAI CENTRAL | ||
| SNo | Stn Code | Stn Name | Arrival Time | Dep. Time |
| 1 | MAS | CHENNAI CENTRAL | Source | 21:15 |
| 9 | MTP | METUPALAIYAM | 06:15 | Destination |
19th Jan – The heritage journey begins…
| Train No | Train Name | Runs From Source | ||
| 56136 | MTP UAM PASSR | METUPALAIYAM | ||
| SNo | Stn Code | Stn Name | Arrival Time | Dep. Time |
| 1 | MTP | METUPALAIYAM | Source | 07:10 |
| 8 | UAM | UDAGAMANDALAM | 12:00 | Destination |
19th Jan After-noon’s – Ooty visit & exploration.
Return journey starts via Bangalore…
Jai Bhole!!
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