A Note to Myself VI

In a mid of year 2014; it’s exactly the same how it started the year. Recent salary hike isn’t doing any justice to the pathetic life style. You know what, last night my room flooded with the tap water, that too me being inside. I was sleeping like hell, couldn’t even realize the sound of running water. I think I too was happy being flooded just like my Jaan must have got flooded at the same time, that too in foreign land (it was suppose to be the first night).

With that; there is no going out, no exploration though the ideas keep coming in my head but couldn’t plan right now. I have become so fearful and deary of myself that I am not able to realize what’s going on!

Recently I read Jiah Khan’s mysterious last letter posted on internet, man! How deep her love was that her own life was nothing. That made me thinking and left me sad.

So the SBI exam is coming up this month, as usual I am in a no mood to give it a do or die fight however at the same hopeful to do well.

Also, having a tough battle with this foolish bureaucracy to give me an identity a driving license or a passport or anything. Pity is I pay taxes to the govt. and they need a proof that I am Indian citizen to get these.

After living almost half of this year, what I have gained? I ask myself and the answer is nothing! It has been a sleep, get ready travel to work to work for 10-11 hours, just to go back to bed sobbing abusing. Where was the wrong I ask, what could have been done and how on earth I have come way too far with myself alone that I find nobody, not a single soul to tell me how it was!! Was my instinct wrong or I trusted the wrong soul to depend? That soul has landed to the foreign land leaving me all alone! Why I am adding it up? Do I need to let it go but how? It is a hard thing to do and looks impossible as of now.

Having said that though I have lost all the reasons of hope but somehow I have to keep breathing. Who knows what the morning will bring! May be a new me with bring new changes to myself, maybe a new energy flow will come, the new mornings ray of hope will bring a tide to wipe off all the memories just to fill up fresh breathings. But the ultimate question is when and how?