awe and immensity

had to leave? guess you had your reasons...

did you say good bye? guess not...

its hard to let go.. isn't it?

it hits you at once, the overwhelming beauty and the unutterable loss....

the only thing you truly love you can't have....

can see; how badly you wish you didn't have to give it up...

but you shouldn't be afraid... not a man like you.

regrets nothing, live fiercely and love even more fiercely..

the end or rather journeys of life as you might only dream of.....

Udaipur.. Pichola lake.

Fight with Grace..

When Almighty plays his card on you and
Your self doubts shudders you till your core!

Head to the ocean they say, so i rushed in and
I see the ocean takes care of its waves till the shore!!

Full of motions yet calm, vastness tells you to have faith and
Flow where air takes you, sound only when it gets to its goal.!!!

First ride in Mumbai today. This sound of waves coming ashore is so calm and assuring that you can sit there for like eternity, without any complain.

Dream city ride

From Bom Bahia to Mumbai, this dream city has come a long way. The name Bom Bahia, meaning 'a good boy' given by Portuguese in early 16th century is still unexplored by me. I'm finding it very tough to go out to explore. however, today was the beginning of it, went for an early morning cycling spin to south side of Mumbai.

Now the this city with so many names, have brought quite good attention because of Bollywood, is a dream city for many. But my landing here since a couple of months seeing turbulence like anything. The rising prices of housing rent (it seems rent is in Mumbai's blood, from Portuguese times till today it has kept its tradition), look at the narrow bad road, potholes everywhere. Don't get me started on the crowed on the road. Not an ideal territory for cycling.

But it has started, lets see how far we go from here. The goal here is to ride every alternate day. Yes, goals are important.

Should we put question mark there?

Match Mismatched!

What you decide to chose in moments like your own or your friends or family's choice, that moments reflects your true personality. I believe there is no good or bad choices here, it just who you are, what your instinct are or upbringing is. The consequences are not relevant here. In some cases they are but if you are solely rely on what will happen, what society will think; thats a compromise you are making with yourself.

See, I was going through something and found a thing that I loved to my core, it was like do or die kind of passion to join The Ranks. While you pursue those dreams; that phase of actually doing it, brings mix of such anxiety, fear or excitement that can't be described in words. It feels like flying, not sure if you gonna get it or not, 'try your best' is all you think of. Unfortunately, that passion was not enough for selection committee. Who to blame here?, no one. It was my passion, my thinking that I was able, ready to join. No one else thought that way. It's just the way things are, you don't get what you pursue, you move on to the next one.

So question is why am I ranting here..., well things are not good right now. That 'mid life crisis' kind of thing is going on, not exactly but kind of. My stars are NOT allying with my surroundings, everything is going against. What I think right for me, no one is agreeing to that. What? Then self-doubts creeps in, everything else seems so confusing. Yes, that... that phase...

Moment of truth.... what do you think what thought everyone's mind occupying?  One of those moments of anxiety and excitement.

One of those moments again...

Well, its my birthday week. I'm guessing getting old is not my thing. I thought life was easy but then now I kind of started believing its not that binary.

Let the time be your companion

Let the time be your companion,
and flow with it till eternity!

Clear sky yet foggy.

We will never be here again!

No matter how hard we try
to catch up on lost times
remember; 
this moment will never come back again
we will never be here again!

But then,
we can always put a break and look back,
analyse every moment, good or bad
make sure to hold on to good ones and
let go of bad ones- with sweetish tastebuds ofcourse!!

#lookback #positivevibes

Don't ask the crave for sweet on such terrain on a pedal. Wherever I saw Jalebi, I made sure to pack some to each for my rest of the day. It was all worth carrying the extra weight in my pannier.

Not a bridge but our arms

Two different worlds we are, divided by 
A huge stream of 
worldly affairs, 
false societal norms! 
But
Deep underneath we both are connected by,
An unbreakable bound of
solid emotions!

Lets just extend our arms, hold till eternity,
Let the world see we are one,
not two souls!!

This is whats going on in my life right now. Indian, in my 30s, unmarried, pressure to get one, and on top of that I want to hold hands of the one who has no intention of holding mine. Pity I know. 

Love for you

This is how I would die
into the love I have for you

As pieces of cloud
dissolve in sunlight.

#clouds #sunset

Room with a view. This is how office window view looks on a Saturday working 

Rise as red hot

Rise red as hot,
Shine bright, look forward to the day
And go off as red hot,
In the dark, on the way out!

Loneliness comes and goes by,
Time flies never to come back my friend!
Embrace and hold on to it for now,
Go off dull but always, rise as red hot!!

#reflection #riseup

P.S this is how every morning looks like at my hometown, which of course still a  far away from where i live eat make my living. Bad, I know.

Let me hold your tears

Once upon a time somewhere sitting idle and whispering something!

Let me offer you my hands full of this sand my dear,

It will hold your tears magically like it has held

this mighty ocean water for ages my dear!

No it won't make itchy eyes like the sand of a storm

And if you wish, will go away without leaving a trace

Or marks on your skin but will ease the pain my dear

Let me offer myself to wipe off all the worries my dear!

I won't let tears roll off shining like a pearl my dear,

Like this wet sand will offer smiles out of your own tears

Let me be this lovely breeze, let me caress your hairs,

Let my arms be your heaven like the one inside you my dear!

#Offer #fingerCrossed

Golden Glitter..

Shining Golden Temple - Amritsar

The Guru said,
"Consider the Granth as my physical representation.
Of that, have no doubt."
Such are the Guru Words.
Spirituality, humanity, service, langar and gurbani,
I could see it all, but then couldn't feel a single thing!!

And then my closed eyes see you smiling in glittering holy water,
You; commanding me to be in the moment and pray..
'This place has given life to many, be one of them and obey'
But then, even in such divinity, why can't I let you go away....
Like the Guru, I say,
You or nothing, Of that, I have no doubt!!!

#legends, #goodVibes #goldenGlitter

You Make me Smile

At it full glory, Bangla Sahib Gurudwara Delhi..

You have given my smile back somehow
I am smiling thinking of you and wonder how
I am in love with you again? That I
can't wait to see you again tomorrow!

The way visible you are in my eyes,
You are shining alike deep within my hearts!
I am like an electron circling you tirelessly,
The bug has come back again in my smiles!!

The spell of emotions has recurred again somehow!!!

Be the Rising Sun

Be the Rising Sun

The obsession never goes away,

Harder you try, the more you get trapped in a loop!

The best is to think of it like,

I do not deserve any of her moments, not at all worthy!

Be the rising sun, burn yourself yet brighten everyone's life,

If not all someone somewhere thanks you for your selflessness,

Obsession is life now, live with it but gracefully!!

~~ #morningThoughts

Home!

They say home is where heart is,
But my heart sees you in these pure waves
So am I in your heart?
Or just homeless searching you in this heaven

I almost see you waving at me from the edge
Such crystal clear splash hitting the shore
So I just love the idea of you?
Or you really rule my heart; I see here my home

They say fear is for the brave, live is for the loving
Without fear life loses value, nothing real without love
So am I loveless? admiring the view instead i see you
Or just a visionless, living-in-past a sissy wanderer

The blue sky, the cloud, the barren land so clear
My voices echoes and returns back to me like you laugh
But I gasp it all; like this life is on a free fall
Or since the love left, I have nothing left to fear

They say this heaven like place is angels abode
I wish to known a door just to ask why my angel left me
So let me camp here and wait
Or take my soul too; I have rolled miles to seek her love

I am here now; let me close my eyes
and embrace all of this beauty spreading my arms
so this mystic air blows her hair on my face
Two souls meet, hands on my hand and we dance!

And just there; I find my heart, my home!!

~~#PangongLake, #heaven #findingLove

A Confession

I want to share a secret with you today

I have a confession to make!

I want you to be part of my life, period!

Now, don't get started

That,

I say same thing again n again all the time

I have no other things to say at any point of time

And on top of everything

I write the damn thing all over all the time!

But my dear,

We follow our passion, don't we?

We make that passion all our life, Don't we?

We fear losing ourselves, yes, I fear death!

Now let me say this out loud,

I fear holding your hand and say 'I do'

A vision runs parallel to my life to remind me

What If.....

What If..

Passion and fear go hand on hand my love!

Even though,

I want you more that anything else in this world and

I want to grow old with you looking into your eyes,

Such a treasure you are to me, close yet way too far.

But do I have the audacity to say you so? I doubt!

Thats my dive into oblivion my love!!

Movie review - Before Trilogy

Over the long Easter weekend, I re-watched the Before trilogy movies- Before Sunrise, Before Sunset and Before Midnight. I am not sure how many times I have watched these movies till now, but every time I watch it, it feels like a fresh one.

Before Sunrise is like a teenage movie, when you are young and fearless, excited about the possibilities of life ahead, the world seems endless. Two strangers meet in a train far away from their motherland, talks happens and they see a spark between them. Which leads them to all night walk in a city, endless talks about everything under the sun and sleep over the night at a beautiful park appreciating the moon before they depart to their respective homes next morning promising a meet same date 6 months down the line.
Here Before Sunrise approves our thinking that the opportunity once lost can be found again, the peoples we meet and bade good-byes may be met again, the beautiful moments can be lived again. Before Sunrise is like a good hope.

Then comes Before Sunset; you knew that she is a perfect girl but you just let her go. First, the things happened so fast confusing whether the first meet was an infatuation or fascination or taking it for granted that our paths will certainly cross again. But the world reality is different, without having a connection, a medium to talk to each other, you are actually stuck with her image. Years later you just can't let her go away from your head and you want the memories of those moments back into your life.
Your path definitely cross again after some 8 years of gap. Now in Paris, you stroll the streets of Paris before parting away to respective lives, Thats Before Sunset. The talks, dialogues are so much real and well thought-out.

And the last in series- Before Midnight. Now they 2 are back together, in their 40s with kids. This is real after marriage life, the problems, fights, age definitely makes you a little bitchy and cranky. The ability to bear other in normal voice level long gone, you fight all the time over all the little things but at the end you realise that its all part of life, its not a fairy tale.

Such a nice screenplay, both are good acting is nice. So much relatable. I think I'm past 'Before Sunrise' phase and heading to 'Before Sunset' phase.

Highly recommended.

Links-
Before Sunrise screenplay Here
Before Sunset screenplay Here
Before Midnight screenplay Here

Throw away THE box and give me freedom

The roads I travelled, like I owned it!
I was the king, it was all mine, mine alone!
No matter how bumpy the ride was,
The air I inhaled, felt on my face was pure!

The freedom was my companion all along!

Out there, in the wilderness, I felt I belonged!
Like I’m wandering with my folks inside my home!
Smooth like skin was the simplicity of my ride,
The ups n down, the sweating was like parts of breathe!

Like I’m the universe, rest all just fades away!

And now, like always, the circle is about to complete!
Here at the beginning again, in the chaos called city life,
Lost in cubicles, churning big worlds like career, money!
Nothing seems like my own, even though I owned it!

Everything is in ‘a box’ from sunset to dawn!

O! My companions in misfortune, give me my roads back now!
The ride, the air, and the freedom in above all!
Life is simple but everybody complicates makes it a puzzle!
Give me my moments back; here, I’m not at all at ease!

Let this ‘box’ to fade away, let me my freedom, my universe!!

~~#TravelBug #Impossible #Chaos

A click from my cycling trip in North India

This is by far the best click I have of my cycling trip. I like this pic, just by looking at it I can feel the air, the lovely smell and free from all the chaos. Only thing I wish if I had a company, I would have clicked such pics a lot. 

Spiti, Leh-Ladakh is really a heaven. One should try to visit the area once in his lifetime, its worth it. No trees around but you still feel so freshness, the cold itself is so much rejuvenating.

A must visit, put it in your bucket list!

I wanna put my head in your lap!

I am like water, resting in your arms!
The open blueish sky like are my dreams!
Big endless sometime crazy twinkling stars,
Shines, smiles; seeing my head in your arms!

You fortify my world, and I happily let you be!
I know without you, my world vanishes like air!
And I won’t ever howl, you freezing my reach,
Cause I know, to survive, all I need is you around me!

Your smell blows ripples in my body and mind!
I twirl and whirl when you smile and chatter!
All I want;
Be like this water, resting in your arms,
Your long painted nails caressing my hair,
Till I fall asleep & you live forever in my dreams!!

#Lake, #BeLikeWater #BhimtalLake

Dream of You

I saw a path in my dream today
A path leading to you and to glory
Saw that there is a place far, far away
Hidden in-between hills and a valley

A place where you smile, you stay
A whole world of you and your beauty
Where no one speaks a word but love
Living in the moment not forever but today

This dream is an omen that has something to say
‘Come! My love, heaven awaits for your glory’
Follow the path, it will lead you the place far away
Hidden in-between hills and a valley

And this craving for your smile increases day by day
And I know, you are my world, nothing else but you
Let me be part of you; like I’m a star, you, the galaxy
I, no need your heed but let me fade in your arms today!

~~#path, #words #DreamOfYou

This, from my recent travel. On the way from Bhimtal towards Haldwani.
I felt like sitting there and watch this beauty for eternity!
And so I did!!

I won’t pursue you anymore

This warmth of lovely sunny day of winter
The cold breeze of mountains passing by my face
Everyone ecstatic but I’m confused instead,
As you are in my head like eternity and
Every time I look up to the nature, I decide

No I won’t pursue you anymore
Need to let go of the days that I looked up to you
For all the things I did, I care
Your voices were the approval to go
But now,
I won’t look up to you anymore!

But the hardship of life hits on
The chirping, the music of air passing by leaves
Makes no sense at all, like a stale wind
Your presence around my existence is inevitable
Like this cold breeze, like the warmth of this sun.

#touringdays, #ride, #positivevibes

Dream Of You!

Some things are hard to achieve!
Some are close but no so close!
They come to our moments and stay forever,
Like a sweet flavor!
Like the earth smells after first rain,
Easy to inhale but cannot keep it with ourselves
Like the joy of a sweet pain!

I know I see you everyday! And I want to!
I wanna know you more like ‘we’ as one not two
But like a sand you are, hard to hold on to!
God! This eagerness to hold your hands and
This craziness to catch your shadow when you go
So close but not so close!

The dream of you is in my dreams!
Close eyes too see you like open ones!
Why can’t this heart opens up and showers,
All the love and care it’s holding inside since the days!
Of aloofness and wait of the one amongst ones!

So like the first rain you pour in for me!
Like a joyous whisper you sang for me!
Shining, I saw you fighting dark clouds for me,
Give life to my moments you spurt!

But why I wonder, far is the distance to reach you!
My eyes see you but the touch thinks otherwise!
Is this my delusion or really I can hold you?

Or like a rain you are… nothing more!
Vanished in the air after sprouting my dreams!

You are and will be, So close but not so close!!

~~~~ #HappyValentinesDay

Another lovely evening click from my cycling tour. Here is interesting
thing - I enjoyed the evening, even took a bath there.
So early morning I heard some people chatting outside my tent,
I flip opened the chain of my tent, saw some people trying to wake me up.
They were worried if I was doing OK cause this very spot
was a cremation ground.
Thank God I got to know that in the morning!

And another try to a rhythm!!

You met me at a very strange time in my life!!

Like a morning you came;
Like a sun shining bright you came;
Into my world, my love!

And everything made so much sense
Visible to my senses, to my eye!
You changed my ways from day one;
Slowly inch by inch, you so gentle;
Like a good omen, you a guiding force;
So much warm was your cuddle!
Lost me; in your lovely golden arms wide
Brighten my life like morning sunshine

I can see you even with my eyes close
With such fresh warmth breathe you came
Into my life, my love!!

~~~~~ #morning-vibes

Another day, another start, a lovely morning
and one more try to a rhythmic poem!

Parting Thoughts

I’m headed nowhere and look at this pretty dusking sky
Blazing the cloud remains, the sun’s down for the day
It knows where’s headed and going pleasantly
On a mission to give hope to many

What the sun might be thinking at this hour I wonder
Going reddish but leaving the pale or golden sky
Out of energy or powers now, shining brightly whole day
Even in its darkest hour yields such a pleasant jollity

Its beyond my imagination what’s the parting thoughts be
But I’m in peace; the sun got to rest so does the sky
See the celebration, shooting star crackers in joy
Sparks of the crackers gonna light the moonlit sky

So I move on with a note to self, be the sun be the sky:
Bright at day, calm pleasant n forgiving in my darkest hour!

~~~~~~#sunset, #duskndawn

I tried to rhythm my poem today just like the sunset colours!
not sure if I did justice :)

Let Me Go!

Let me go, set myself free today;
Into lovely woods, above stormy clouds;
Spreading its arms look at this nature;
Eager to hug me, looks a bit angry today;

I'm done with my food and,
Ready to give up all possessions today;
Scattered all around on the misty grass,
let me walk past and step into future today;

One huge leap, I can touch the heaven;
'The Heaven' hiding behind white feather of clouds;
She smiles sometime, playing hide n' seek today;
On this chilly morning, she sounds naughty today;

Let me go catch her, before clouds get dark;
Before sky starts pouring hard overwhelmingly;
Let me hold her, fill myself with her breath today;
She has come to me after ages today;

Let me go, set her free today;
Into lovely woods, above stormy clouds;
Look at this sky, spreading its arms today;
Eager to take her away from me, forever today;

~~~~~~

Near Munsiyari Uttarakhand. Such a lovely day

P.S. I am not sure if I can ever get over the thought of holding you in my arms, although I cannot obviously but the dream will haunt me for a lifetime until I get something better or someone better. You see, you are in frame of mind whenever I sit to write. 
See you later dear.

Side effect of Love!

No wonder if love takes you higher
Heart gonna rave to make the day brighter
Either it’s only a happily thereafter
Or fire of fretful rush to grave down under!!

This beautiful click is from my 10k cycle north India tour. I was resting
on my way up on this lovely climb.

Birds Eye View

The valley is full of individual world called home;
So many souls living with their loved ones'
They built their own paradise,
Happily, just below the tree line;

Lift your face up, Mountains are there;
Whitish, some barren yet they inspire,
Stay tall, no matter how dark clouds are;
Believe, nature is there to embrace;

And here I am, at the bird's eye view
I see a mess, let alone the paradise
Bragging,
Look nature we own you not otherwise;

Or is it just me?
What if I am the mess, always running away,
Jealous, not having my own paradise;
But wait for now;

Please let me enjoy the view!

~~~ Pokhara Nepal

No matter how much you love being yourself but loneliness does catches you specially
when you are at the top having a birds eye view. The words just came by
like I desperately needed a company.

Why love, why?

I wish, I could bid you goodbye,
One last time;
Before you embark on a new way,
To shine some others' world!

But more than farewell,
I wish you stayed;
One lifetime;
Together, we shape our own world!!

See the clouds, the glittering water,
They too rushing towards you
Angrily;
How could you leave us here,
All alone;
In the dark; in black silent world!!!

~~~  

From my cycling tour. I spent a night near Kosi Barrage Nepal. The evening
was such a beauty, the Kosi river made is more enchanting!

P. S. I don't need to mention but this one is truly dedicated to you dear! you are with me all the time, even being far away physically and I can't even get over you. Not yet.

Surly Cross Check roared to India gate

So long then:
You came out today,
Like a king going to reclaim his lost country,
And you too know how much we loved;
Going out, 
smell morning air,
drenched & danced in the sun or rain. 

The clattering sound and the knock,
Clouds;
and rainbow smile on your face!
I want you here again,
Breathe, blossom: going above the nerve. 

I hope you thrived this morning,
Bushes in the heaven; wet yet smooth riding,
I feel nothing but love: and
I hear you singing- 

'Our lives are defined by the moments we live and the intensity of our feelings'.

~~My ride 'The X' At India Gate

Morning ride to India Gate is always a fun and joyful ride. 

My Heaven!

No matter how far I go 
Feelings don't feel like a magic one, 
Beauty of whole world comes to 
At a place to please to have fun, 
I don't see nothing how high how low 
The only thing I remember, I know
Nowhere but in your arms is my heaven!!!

This was a trip to Darjeeling. A lovely sunny day on my way up!